Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Mommy brain. So much worse than Pregnancy Brain. Like a million times worse.
Mommy brain. OH DEAR GOD the mommy brain. You may remember a time when I swore pregnancy brain is real. And it is. Believe me, it's almost been scientifically proven. So you walk around all pregnant like "omg when the baby gets here I swear I'll get my act together and I'll be smart and normal and not do crazy shit every other day because my pregnancy brain will for sure be gone." Hahahahaha wrong! So wrong. In fact, mommy brain is actually worse. Let me tell you why. You're not pregnant anymore and are actually in charge of this new little human being. Your mind and thoughts are constantly revolving around them so when it comes to remembering things, haha yeah right like that's going to happen. Need some proof?
Exhibit One: The day I left the bottles at home. In a snow storm.
It's a given that your baby needs to eat. And when you go back to work and you send them off to daycare you have to premake their bottles. No big deal, that's easy peasy. Enter mommy brain. It was literally the white death Apocalypse in Columbus. I'm talking I went to bed with not a drop of snow on the ground and woke up to 8 inches in our backyard. And our roads? Definitely not getting plowed. So, I do the normal mom thing and text my boss that I will not be coming in at 7am like I usually do and will instead come in at 11 after traffic has died down because I have the baby coming to our work daycare and I'm hoping the roads will get better. She of course says she's doing the same thing and I'm like ok cool a few more hours with Adalyn. We get ready to leave at 10, it takes us 30 minutes to drive our normal 15 minute drive to the office and OMG where are her 5 bottles that she takes with her? Oh, that's right, they're still sitting in the fridge because I was so concerned with making sure we wouldn't get stuck in the snow backing out of the garage that I grabbed everything and went out the door not even thinking about it. Who does that?! So what did I do? Instead of turning around and making another hour trip, I went to Target across the street from my office, bought ALL new bottles, formula, everything and washed, sanitized and made her bottles at the daycare. I'm pretty sure they all thought I was nuts. My only excuse...mommy brain.
Exhibit Two: The non-diapering incident that I swore I'd never talk about, ever.
Maybe mommy brain is also caused by the severe lack of sleep in the first few months of having a newborn. Because when you're tired you're just off and less smart, right? Well, imagine that you haven't slept more than an hour in three days because as soon as you doze off the dog absolutely has to start howling at the tree in the backyard. You're running on empty but somehow still think you've got your shit together because the baby is happy and eating and you haven't started hallucinating yet, so that's a plus. So there I was, a walking zombie mommy cracked out on too much coffee and dealing with the poop of all baby poops which involved Adalyn needing a bath to get cleaned off. So we take a bath, get her clean, and then it's time to put on new jammies. She's throwing a fit because she's cold so I hurry with the pajamas, zip them up on her and carry her downstairs. It's time to eat, so she gets fed and then all of a sudden I feel my entire side is soaking wet. WTF? Her pj's are soaked and I am baffled because she's never peed through a diaper like that. But wait, her tush isn't all fluffy because OMG I forgot to put a diaper on her. Yup, I just wanted her to be warm and stop crying and in my zombie like state I forgot the diaper. My only excuse...mommy brain.
Exhibit Three: The way too many "did you do that thing I bugged you about" questions, to which all answers are "no".
I'm usually on top of things. I call myself the house manager and thanks to automatic debit our mortgage is never ever ever going to be late. But I've got to remember those few bills that need done and I have set iPhone reminders in my phone to do it, so those are never late either. But then Jason will ask me to do something like "hey can you cancel the renters insurance that we had before we bought the house that we obviously don't need anymore because you signed us up and I don't know where you put the paperwork" and I'll be like "oh yeah I'm totally going to do that today." And then this conversation happens literally 5 times after.
Jason: Did you cancel that insurance yet?
Me: What insurance?
Jason: Oh my god, the renters insurance, did you cancel it?
Me: Obviously not, but I swear I'll do it tomorrow.
Jason: Ok because we don't want it to go to creditors.
You know who never cancelled the insurance? Me. Thankfully instead of pestering me, Jason finally dug through my paperwork and did it himself because I couldn't keep it in my mind longer than 5 seconds to do it. Again my only excuse...mommy brain.
There's like a million other things I've forgotten: returning phone calls and texts, to set the timer on the oven therefore burning dinner, my password to my email, where I put my keys and why they turned up in my closet by the shoes, again [I thought I'd only do that while pregnant, nope.] the list goes on and on. And from what reliable sources tell me [mom's of much older children] there's no hope. Once mommy brain sets in, it can't be reversed.
And that's ok, cause hey, I may be forgetful but I've got a super cute kid to show off and distract people from the fact that I did not remember I was supposed to make cheesy potatoes for a party I forgot we had to go to.